.....Well! Well! I Never!.......

Elf had picked himself up and scooted home as quickly as possible.

Troll was still scowling as he walked into the kitchen at Bedelfty House.


Elf looked at his friend and said "You still mad at me because of the bed thing?"


Troll growled and looked at Elf from underneath his eyebrows....


"You're bliddy lucky that cosh flew out of my hand, or I'd have pasted you into elf-pulp!" came the reply. "I don't like OTHER PEOPLE in bed with me!...especially when I've managed to get away from Wanda for a while!"


"I AM sorry Troll!" said Elf, pleadingly, "but there was no way I could spend the night on my own after all those ghosty things...."


"YES! BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SNUGGLE-UP AND SNUFFLE IN MY EAR'OLE ALL NIGHT DID YOU?!........AND DRIBBLE DOWN MY NECK!!!!! AND.....WELL.....less said about THAT the better!!!!!" bawled Troll, banging his fists on the table.

He looked at Elf's distraught face, and then at the rest of him.....


"What the bliddy'ell's happened to you?! You're filthy!"


"Slipped on a banana-skin just as pigeons were flying over" replied Elf quietly.


Troll felt immediately sorry for his little friend, and told him to go get himself washed and changed while he made a cuppa.


Elf soon re-appeared all nice and clean again, just as Wab breezed in through the front door.


"Thought we'd have another chat about plans...." said the rabbit.....


...and as he finished speaking....


...there was a knock at the door.


All three went out into the hallway to find Bryn the Post Snail just outside, letter in hand.


"Ah! That saves me some time," said Bryn, slowly "There's letters for you two as well! Troll's is a bit fatter and smells really nasty!"


Elf took the sticky letters from Bryn and the friends went back into the kitchen to open them.


"Postmarked Sproutville" said Wab, ripping his open and reading the small card that was inside. "Well! Well! I Never!......"


Elf opened his, and his jaw dropped........


As Troll's envelope opened, a piece of smelly, dry sort-of-biscuity-stuff fell out.


"Oh! Yes!" he shouted gleefully "Dessicated Gerbil Biscuits! I LOVE them!"


The other two wrinkled their noses as the smell filled the room.


Elf opened the window.....


Troll munched on his biscuit as he read his card....


"BLIDDY 'ELL" he shouted, "TRIXXI AND TROXI INVITE YOU TO THEIR CIVIL PARTNERSHIP. 14th FEBILLARY. PLEASE COME!"


Elf looked confused.


"I don't get it" he said "Lots of folks go into partnership, and don't bother to invite others. Why is this one any different?"


Wab and Troll rolled their eyes.....


"It's not THAT kind of partnership Elf Old Boy" explained Wab. "They're getting hooked!"


"Don't be daft!" said Elf, looking sulky. "D'you think I'm stupid or something. They're both trollettes!"


"That's the way of the world these days" said Troll "..all sorts of strange things going on...."


"Good excuse to have a boy's trip to Sproutville again though isn't it!" grinned Wab. "After we've finished with Patch 51 of course......."


Troll looked glum.....


"I don't think it'll be a "boy's trip" at all" he said, a scowl on his face. "Wanda's been invited too!"

....a Very Special Invite.....

...and as Elf lay gasping on the pavement.....


.......a helpless pigeon target.......



....Bryn the Post Snail.....


(now released from picket-duty)



.....slithered his way towards Bedelfty House......



....with a Very Special Invite.......



...from Sproutville......

...feeling a bit better.......

Elf was feeling a bit better lately.....


.....he'd had a bit of a WAFEL nugget-bunce for his tourism project....


(even though he'd had to tell a few fibbers to get it)


...and he'd tripped his way up to town to view a property that was up for sale...


(at a very good price because the nugget-crisis had forced prices down!)


He'd also managed to get another place to be a base for his project....


...so things were beginning to look up.


He was feeling very pleased with the way talks had gone with Troll and Wab the other day.....


.....he'd have a good chance of getting his hands on some Patch 51 nuggets before long, he was sure.....


"Maybe I should give Seamus a call" he mused "He was building some kind of nugget-finding machine the last time I spoke to him. THAT could be very useful in our search!"


Elf was so busy thinking about Seamus and nuggets........






...that he didn't see the banana skin on the floor......






WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPS!




...he landed flat on his back......






....winded......




...just as Percy the pigeon flew overhead........

....don't be so spiteful!.......

Dripp was making such a noise in front of the seeing stone, that everyone else dashed to the living room to see what was going on.


Wesley watched in horror as the events unfold in Bedelfty House.....


......and Dripp madly waggled his joystick.


It was fairly obvious what would be happening next....


...so Wesley made a dive to grab the contraption out of Dripp's hand.


"Don't be so spiteful!" he shouted, as he rolled onto the floor, joystick in paw.


Dripp looked angry......


....leaned over.........


........wrested the thing out of Wesley's grasp....


....and said "Don't thsnatcth! I'm 'avin' fun!"


...and turned back to the seeing-stone.......

....Halloween......

A whole evening and day had passed......


......before Dripp eventually got bored with his joystick.....


...and had gone upstairs to see what Wesley was up to....


...so Elf and Troll suddenly found that they had re-gained control of their legs and arms.


"WHAT THE BLIDDY 'ELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT" bawled Troll, angrily. "WHAT DAMNED SILLY-BLUGGER GAMES HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING AT NOW?!"


Elf, panting like a dog after a bitch-on-heat, looked at Troll, a hurt expression on his face.


"What do you mean - what have I been playing at!?" he retorted, pouting. "I'm as wise as you are!"


The two friends sat down in their armchairs again, feeling very wobbly indeed.


Troll looked at the seeing-stone, his eyes shrewd.....


It was absolutely quiet now. Not a flicker of anything on it.


"It was THAT thing!" Troll said, pointing. "That THING had something to do with all of this stupid dance stuff!"


He went over to the seeing stone, and yanked out the wire.


"THERE!" he shouted at the machine "NOW let's see how you get around THAT then!"


"I'm feeling very tired" said Elf, yawning. "I think I'll go up to bed"


"Me too" said Troll. "All this activity has made me feel right pooped!"


So, they made their way up the stairs, and said "Goodnight" to each other as they turned towards their respective bedrooms.


Troll flung his clothes onto the back of a chair, and dived under the bedclothes.


"Oh YES!" he moaned, moving his feet and arms all over the bed. "Got this all to myself for a change. No one talking about "trollikins" and getting all fruity. No one snoring and kicking me in the back.....lovely."


Troll rolled over and began to fall, gently asleep......


Elf had changed into his blue striped bed-leggings and top, and plonked down on the bed. He felt knackered.....


...and confused.....


"Why did that dancing-stuff happen down there?" he asked himself "I don't get it"


THUD!


WHOOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Elf shot off the bed and dived underneath it as his hatstand flew off the dressing-table and landed on the floor.


"WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"


"WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"


Elf whimpered....


...as he peered out just in time to see a white-floaty thing gliding around the room wearing his red hat......


"Oh Stop it! Please!" he squeaked. "I just want to go to sleep, cos I'm tired with all this dancing, an' I'm gettin' frightened now!"


"HAAAAAAAAA!!!! HHHHOOOOO!!!!!! HHHHEEEEE!" came the response.....


Elf was now peeping through his fingers....


...watching in terror as everything in the room began to dance all by itself.....


...hatstand...hairbrush....slippers......leggings....soap.....toothpaste....flowers..


"Oh NO!" moaned Elf, as he began to feel his legs beginning to twitch again....


He sprang out from under the bed......


.....flung the bedroom door open.....


...ran out onto the landing........


....slammed the door shut behind him......


.......flung Troll's bedroom door open.....


...slammed THAT shut behind him......


....and dived......


....under the covers.


Troll, who had just dropped off to sleep.....


....awoke with a start.....


.....feeling a pair of what felt like wriggling giant worms on his bare back....


"WHAT THE ****!!!" he shouted....


...and made a grab for Elf's old Dad's cosh-stick that was sat by the bed.

...a quiet evening in......

Elf and Troll (who was staying with Elf whilst plans were being laid for Wesley's rescue)....

...were settling down to enjoy a quiet evening in.

Troll was feeling very comfy and happy, seeing as he didn't have to see Wanda for a couple of weeks - at least!

Elf was happy to have his friend's company again....

...since Wanda had appeared on the scene, he hadn't seen much of Troll at all.


Elf had made a couple of cups of cocoa, and had taken them into the comfy sitting-room...


...where Troll was trying to turn on the ancient seeing-stone in the corner.


It crackled and fizzed......


...grunted and gasped.....


...and.....


...finally.....


...lit up.


"Why's the bliddy screen blank?!" moaned Troll. "I wanted to see that thing about worms - it explains how to grow them so's they make catching fish easier. There's nothing better than a bit of raw fish!"

Elf wrinkled his nose.

He REALLY didn't understand some of his friend's strange habits sometimes....


...but, there again.....


...Troll WAS a troll after all.


The seeing-stone continued with it's fizzling sound.....


....so Troll got up and gave it a bang with his huge fist.


Tttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh........hic.........hic..........


.....then.......


...as Elf put down the cocoa on the small table between the armchairs......


...the screen cleared......


...to reveal.......





"WHAT THE BLIDDY 'ELLS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE!" bawled Troll, disgusted. "WHERE'S THE WORMS?"


He sat down with a "Hummpf" and picked up his cocoa.


Elf was transfixed......


...he began to giggle.....


"What a bunch of pratts they look" mumbled Troll.


Elf began to giggle more.......


....and more......


He spilled his cocoa into his lap.......


..but didn't appear to notice that he'd just been covered in scalding-hot liquid.


Troll looked across at his friend......


....a querying expression on his face.


Elf began to laugh out loud......


...then his legs began to twitch.......



Troll watched in amazement as his friend suddenly sprang out of his chair......


...and began cavorting around the room.......


...imitating exactly.....


...the footsteps of the creatures dancing away on the seeing stone.


"STOP IT ELF!" shouted Troll, as Elf bumped his arm and made him spill his cocoa down his legs. "STOP IT NOW!!!!!"


But Elf just carried on, and on, and on......


Troll was just about to get up and give the elf a shake when.......


...HIS legs began to twitch as well......


"WHAT THE ****" screeched the troll, as his cocoa flew out of his hand, and he too began to dance around the carpet......


...then the room......


It wasn't long before both friends were laughing hilariously, and dancing even more so......


"What's happening to us?" Troll managed to ask Elf in between breaths.


"Dunno!" replied Elf


..."...but I wish it would stop. I'm beginning to feel sick......"



(...and back at the shed, Dripp was laughing like a drain as he waggled the joystick in his hand....)

...the beginnings of a plan...

Troll arrived at Bedelfty House at almost the same time as Wab.

Both were out of breath and wide-eyed....

They went in through the open front door and made their way to the kitchen where Elf had just put a fresh pot of nettle tea on the table.

Wab grabbed Wesley's note and read it....

"Bliddy 'ell" he breathed. "We'd wondered what had happened to old Wesley. No one's seen him for weeks now!"

Troll looked sheepish.....

...and muttered something like "sorry....it was Wanda..."...

Elf and Wab looked at Troll with the kind of expressions that let him know that he was going to have to spill the beans.

He started, hesitantly, telling them about the row with Wanda....


...her stomping off.....


....the little notes with the roses......


...the meeting at the Trev....


...the clinch.....


...the pink lipstick....


...Wanda's scream.....


...and the sight of Wesley beating a hasty retreat with Wanda hard on his heels....


Both Elf and Wab looked aghast....


....but it wasn't long before they were smirking at the thought of Troll having been covered in bright pink lipstick after snogging Wesley!

"IT'S NOT BLIDDY FUNNY!!!" bawled Troll, red in the face. "YOU'VE NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN WANDA CAME BACK! BLIDDY AWFUL IT WAS! BLIDDY AWFUL! ....AND I COULD JUST KILL THAT BINKY BONKAR! HIS STUFF SHOULD BE BANNED! YES! BANNED!"


Elf and Wab were grinning even wider now....

..and Troll slumped down onto the nearest chair, head in hands.


"It REALLY isn't funny lads" he said, with a sniffle.

..and to their horror, the others could see a tear trickling down Troll's cheek.


"Oh come on now Troll!" said Wab, putting a paw on Troll's shoulder. "You're out of her way for a little while now. She can't stop you going to help rescue Wesley can she? Not after the Ducklins episode...."


Troll growled.....


Wab hastily said "Sorry old boy....didn't mean to offend....",


..and sat down hastily.


Elf poured out three mugs of tea, and then went to sit down himself....


"OUCH!!!" he yelled, jumping and spilling his hot tea down his legs...


They all looked, and saw a hedgepig curled up on the seat.....


...they also saw a couple of hedgepig spines stuck in Elf's backside.


Troll pulled them out, as Wab picked up the creature and put it outside.


With a fresh cup of tea (and a dry pair of leggings on) Elf then joined the others in conversation.


He explained about all the weird happenings in his kitchen lately....

...they listened intently, Wab making notes as he went along...


...and when all had been told, Wab said that they should now try to formulate a plan
to rescue Wesley....

"Anyone got any ideas?"" he asked, looking at the other two.

"Well" said Elf, "I'd already been thinking of how to get into Patch 51 as it happens"

"BUT WHY?" gasped Troll. "I thought you were dead scared of that place after that thing with your old Dad an' all"

"I know" said Elf. "But I REALLY need to get some more nuggets right now, 'cos I've lost quite a lot lately"

"How come?" asked Wab, interested.

"Well, you know I told you about that company that I was using to get my nugget bunces.....

...turns out that THEY were getting nuggets from another company called "Comfy Furry".....

..them that makes those woolly slippers, gloves and ear-muff things..."

"Anyway, Comfy Furry decided that they didn't want to play any more, so they pulled out and it's left the others in a right nugget mess!"

"I'd put some nuggets in there to keep them going until my bunces came through from WAFEL, but it hasn't helped, and it looks like the whole thing is going down."

"So, the rentys and bunces I was getting through it are looking like drying-up, and I've got to get some more nuggets from somewhere - and, as my old Dad told me about the nuggets being made in Patch 51, I thought I'd try to get some from there"

"Whew!" gasped Wab. His eyes as wide as saucers. "Didn't realise you were in such a mess old boy! But this thing about Patch 51 seems like a good idea. What say you Troll? ...do with a few extra nuggets yourself I dare say."

"Humpf!" grunted Troll. "Nuggets are NOT my worst problem right now! Not while Wanda is still hell-bent on having a trollykin!"

Elf and Wab tried hard, but failed to keep the smirks off of their faces.

Troll went red and stood up.....

"IF YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP MAKING FUN OF ME, YOU CAN BLIDDY-WELL GO BY YOURSELVES!!"

"Sorry Troll" said Elf, "We'll stop talking about Wanda right now shall we?"

With a "Hmpff", Troll sat down again, and Wab continued.

"So just HOW do we get in there?" he asked Elf.

"There's a cave somewhere on the mountain" Elf explained "But I've no idea where exactly."

"Well. We'll have to find out somehow, and then go in" said Troll.

Wab looked at the other two....

..."I'd not thought that WE would go in actually" he said, quietly.....


....."It could be dangerous, so I thought we'd get someone else to go in for us. That way if it goes well we get the nuggets....."


..."and Wesley!" said Elf....


"Oh Yes!....of course......and Wesley" said Wab...


"But if it goes wrong.....


...then WE'LL still be alright!"


Troll piped-up....


"I think that's called getting someone else to do the dirty work isn't it?"


"Absolutely" said Wab "We're not STUPID now are we?"